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In our personal and work lives, we’re all doing our best. But sometimes, the desire to be "perfect" can overshadow everything else and can leave you feeling exhausted, anxious, or paralyzed by fear of failure. Perfectionism is a tricky thing; it can feel like a strength because it pushes us to work hard and aim high. But underneath, it carries the weight of harsh self-criticism and an inability to feel “good enough”, no matter what we achieve.
If this resonates with you, you’re not alone. Many people struggle with this—and there are ways to mitigate the negative effects. Let’s explore why perfectionism shows up, how it might be holding you back, and what you can do to embrace imperfection while still honouring your values and striving for your goals.
Where Does Perfectionism Come From?
Perfectionism doesn’t appear out of nowhere. It often has roots in:
Early Life Experiences
Growing up in an environment where love or approval felt conditional can plant the seed of perfectionism. If your parents were adamant that you should get straight A’s in school or else you would get in trouble, you may have learned that being "good enough" required flawless performance.
Cultural and Societal Expectations
We live in a world that often equates personal worth with achievement. Social media, career pressures, and societal norms can amplify the feeling that you need to have it all together, all the time. We’re all striving for an ideal that is pretty much impossible to achieve.
Fear of Vulnerability
At its core, perfectionism is often about avoiding vulnerability. For some people, vulnerability can be terrifying. Mistakes and imperfections can feel like huge risks. What if someone judges you? What if you disappoint someone or yourself?
Understanding these roots is important because it helps us approach perfectionism with compassion rather than blame. It’s not your fault that perfectionism exists in your life, but it is something you can work on and navigate.
The Costs of Perfectionism
While perfectionism might drive you to excel, it often comes at a steep price. You might notice:
You’re burning out
Constantly pushing yourself to meet unrealistic standards can leave you physically and emotionally drained.
You’re procrastinating
Ironically, perfectionism can actually stop you from taking action. If the fear of doing something "wrong" is too overwhelming, you might avoid it altogether.
You’re not enjoying things
When you’re so fixated on the perfect outcome, it’s easy to miss the small, meaningful moments along the way. It’s good to slow down and celebrate the small wins that help you to achieve your bigger goals. Otherwise, you’re just stressed about the end and you don’t allow yourself to enjoy the ride.
How to Practice Self-Compassion and Embrace Imperfection
Here’s the good news. You don’t have to let your perfectionism take over your life. I’ve provided some tips below to help you loosen your grip on being “perfect” and embrace the experience of being an imperfect human:
1. Shift how you think about mistakes
It’s easy to see your mistakes as failures. But this makes them feel scary and insurmountable. Instead, practice seeing them as opportunities to learn and grow. Progress and growth comes from trial and error, not from getting everything right on the first try.
2. Be realistic with your goals
Not everything has to be perfect. You’d be surprised how often “good enough” is acceptable. Work on allowing yourself to stop at “good enough” and save the perfection for the projects that matter most. Break large tasks into smaller, more manageable steps, and remember to celebrate each accomplishment along the way.
3. Show yourself some compassion
Start noticing your inner dialogue. How do you motivate yourself? Are you speaking to yourself with kindness, or are you being very critical? Practice talking to yourself the way you would speak to a close friend—with encouragement, understanding, and support. You deserve that.
4. Embrace being vulnerable
Letting others see your imperfections can feel scary. But it’s also freeing. Vulnerability helps us connect with and relate to others on a deeper level. Think of all the times you’ve watched someone fail publicly and then rise up to take on a new challenge. Weren’t you inspired by their ability to fail in front of others and then move forward? It’s a scary thing to overcome, but it’s possible if you start to shift your perspective.
5. Reframe what you consider “success”
Success doesn’t have to mean being the best. It can mean showing up authentically, trying your hardest, or simply making it through a tough day. It’s subjective. Define success in a way that aligns with your own values, not with other people’s expectations.
6. Talk to a therapist
Sometimes, perfectionism runs deep, and untangling the roots takes time, emotional effort, and support. A therapist can provide a safe space to explore these patterns, develop healthier coping strategies, and find new ways to approach life with balance and self-acceptance.
Find Joy in Imperfection
When we let go of the need to be perfect, we open ourselves up to something much more meaningful: connection, growth, and joy. Imperfection is where life happens—in the messy, clumsy moments of being human.
I like to think of it this way:
Laughter is one of the purest expressions of joy. Think back on all the times in your life when you laughed the hardest. Were you laughing at a perfectly crafted joke, performed with perfect timing and in a perfect setting? That could be the case sometimes. But what’s more likely is that you were laughing at something spontaneous, accidental, unexpected, weird, etc. Imperfection doesn’t have to be so scary. In fact, it can be really fun. Embrace your flaws and treat yourself with compassion. You’ll see a difference in how you approach challenges in life.
At Couples & Family Therapy Collective, we believe in meeting you where you’re at. Whether you’re navigating perfectionism or any other challenges, we’re here to walk alongside you with warmth and understanding. You’re already enough, just as you are. And when you embrace your “enoughness”, you give yourself room to grow.
Speak to one of our therapists about overcoming perfectionism.
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